That is exactly what these past few weeks have been; unbelievable. I don’t even know how many times I’ve stood shaking my head from all that has happened. This is hard to put into words.
My dear mother. She is just amazing to me. It’s only been a week since she lost the love of her life. And earlier this year she lost her own mom, my grandmother. I know she is hurting so much inside. But she has handled this well. As much as she can. I couldn’t do it. I know she does it because she has no other choice. She does it with common sense, kindness and confidence. Now I know where I get my best features from. I also know in private she let’s that all go and doesn’t know where to go next. I also get that from her.
Going through some unfortunate events this year, I felt like I couldn’t handle anymore. I’ve seen the selfishness come out in people. Just to make themselves feel better. Why? Why are people so hateful? It made me think, why should I keep trying to change those around me everyday. Why teach yoga, self-acceptance and healthy living?? I wanted to throw in the towel. People are just going to say whatever they want or believe the lies. I felt numb. My heart and my body. I sat on my couch and cried for my Dad like a little girl. Everyday for the past 15 years I’ve wished he was here for me.
I live in a place where health is not a priority. To say it annoys me is an understatement. Sometimes it is made fun of. I don’t understand it. I probably never will. All I’ve ever wanted to do is change people’s perspective. To show them it can be fun to exercise and it doesn’t have to grueling to cause your body pain every single time. That’s not what it’s about.
Within those moments where you want to give it all up, some good will always come through. The good I found in this situation is my sisters. They are simply amazing. We are always here for each other. We know how to make each other feel better and with that I think it makes my mom feel better as well.
Another good is some dear friends. They came to help when we didn’t even ask. Just their company made things better even if it’s only for a while. That’s what real friends are for. To see that good left me in awe. I know my family felt the same way.
Now that a few days have passed and as we try to move forward, I’ve taught a couple of yoga classes. I have learned that the few I inspire, have learned to put their thoughts together during class and they take that to other facets of their lives. It may be related to their personal or professional relationships. And I can help students make physical breakthroughs as well. It makes me so happy to see someone feel the difference in a headstand when using proper form. When you find that sweet spot of balance, it’s awesome!
After that class I said to a friend okay, I’m not giving up. I have so much more good to do. Including support my mom any way I can.